week sixteen: big stupid pillows

No, those aren’t pillows from the psych ward. They’re the “decorative” pillows I bought for our bed – you know, extra pillows that go behind our “real” Tempur-Pedic (boss playa) pillows. The extra pillows we don’t actually sleep on, but rather remove from the bed prior to sleeping and then… I don’t know… throw on the floor? What the fuck else do you do with decorative pillows? Then in the morning, if I don’t make the bed (IF! HAHA!), they just stay there, giant cushy wrinkly hazards to step over and trip on. Fun times. I especially love the misshapen, lumpy, thrift-store-chic look they’re working, too. WTF?!

I tried using these on the bed for oh… four days. Then husband started bitching about how dumb and pointless they were so I put them in the closet. For two years. Then I started cleaning out the closet and told husband to get on it, as his side was all messy. Then he was all, “Damn ho, there be bigass ugly pillows on my side of the closet SO THERE,” and I was all I HATE IT WHEN YOU’RE RIGHT.

So now they’re in the donation pile – wheeee! I can’t believe the space they cleared up in the closet. I also can’t believe that I didn’t SEE them for like two fucking years. And finally, I can’t believe I had to admit husband was right. ARRRTGHGHGHGHGHHHH!

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5 thoughts on “week sixteen: big stupid pillows

  1. You crack me up! I’m not a decorative pillow person either – I DO make my bed (because my grandmother told me if I made my bed — God bless her — pulling the covers up counted as making the bed — my room would look clean because the bed is the biggest part of the room — she was right). Anyway, I don’t want to pick up the pillows in the morning either — it’s not like I look at the bed all day and say to myself “gee your bed looks great!” But I will tell you this, when you’ve been married 32 years your husband will suddenly want more pillows!

  2. The post that was two above this one in my RSS reader said: “The end of the bed is the perfect place a set of upholstered benches which provide the function of a place to toss blankets or decorative pillows not used during hours of slumber.”

    Clearly, you just needed more functional furniture to hold your non-functional pillows while using your bed (functionally).

    Hahahahaha.

  3. I’ve never read your blog before. This is the first post of yours that I have ever read. Pretty sure I want you to be my new best friend (in the least creepy way possible).

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